🛡️Trauma and Crises

Loss and Grief

Find support in difficult times

Support for coping with loss and grief — evidence-based approaches and therapy for prolonged/complicated grief.

10 min read

Expert Article

Introduction

Loss is one of the hardest life challenges. Grief is not an illness, but the mind’s way of adapting to life without a loved one. It affects emotions, the body, thoughts, behaviour and the spiritual dimension. Sometimes the process “gets stuck” and turns into prolonged/complicated grief — then specialised help is needed. My role is to give you a safe structure, reduce suffering, and help you get life moving again, while gently preserving the bond with the person who died.

1. How to understand grief today: from “stages” to flexible models

The Kübler-Ross stage model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) became popular as a way to describe experiences. But modern research shows that the real process is more often non-linear and wave-like — you can “return” to intense pain around anniversaries, holidays, or reminders.

•Dual Process Model (Stroebe & Schut): a pendulum between loss-oriented coping (crying, remembering, rituals) and restoration-oriented coping (daily tasks, new roles). Flexibility is the key to adaptation.

•Continuing Bonds: a new, symbolic connection with the deceased — stories, albums, letters, traditions, “in-memory-of” activities. This is not “stuckness” if the bond helps you live on.

2. Types of loss and specific challenges

•Sudden death: shock, intrusive images — gentle stabilising steps are crucial.

•Anticipated loss: fatigue, ambivalence, sometimes relief — this is normal.

•Perinatal loss / loss of a child: affects parental identity — specialised rituals and groups help.

•Suicide, homicide, disappearance: lots of guilt/shame, endless “why” — needs a trauma-informed approach.

•Loss of partner/parent/friend/pet: role reorganisation, loneliness, “invisible” grief for the environment.

3. Grief symptoms: emotions, body, thoughts, behaviour

•Emotions: sadness, yearning, anger, anxiety, guilt/resentment, relief, gratitude, love

•Body: fatigue, chest heaviness, stomach emptiness, muscle tension, headaches, sleep and appetite changes

•Thoughts: mental “returning” to the deceased, “why” questions, difficulty concentrating

•Behaviour: isolation / seeking people, avoidance / seeking reminders, memory rituals, fluctuations in motivation

•Spiritual sphere: crisis or deepening of faith/meaning

Intensity usually decreases over months; there is no “correct” timeline — what matters is functioning and level of suffering.

4. Prolonged (complicated) grief: when specialised help is needed

If after 6–12 months there is still overwhelming yearning/preoccupation with the loss and marked dysfunction, this is a reason for specialised therapy. Risk factors: sudden/traumatic loss, dependence on the deceased, multiple losses, weak support, previous depression/PTSD/anxiety. We use CGT/PGT, CBT-based approaches, and EMDR for traumatic imagery.

5. How I work

1. Assessment and plan. Loss history, resources/risks, cultural context. Shared goals: reduce pain, restore sleep/appetite, roles and social contact.

2. Stabilisation. Breathing and grounding, a “hard days” plan, a support map. Only gentle steps you can actually tolerate.

3. Processing painful knots. Titrated work with guilt, “if only…”, traumatic images (CBT tools, CGT/PGT, EMDR — when indicated).

4. Restoring life. Memory rituals and “continuing bond”, return to values and roles, an activity ladder.

5. Consolidation. Plan for anniversaries and triggers, personal “anchors” (meaning, connection, body care), criteria for when to seek help again.

6. Supporting someone in grief: what helps and what hurts

Helps: presence and warm silence, “I’m here,” concrete help (food, rides, children, paperwork), the question “what would help right now — to talk or to just sit?”, remembering important dates.

Hurts: “pull yourself together,” “you have to let go,” “time heals,” comparisons (“when I lost…”), interpretations without being asked. If you don’t know what to say, be honest: “I don’t know what words are right. But I’m with you.”

Boundaries: the right to grieve in one’s own way; offer, don’t insist. Risk signs — a reason to gently suggest professional help.

7. Children’s grief: how to support

Tell the truth in simple words (“died,” not “went to sleep”), answer repeated questions, allow emotions and regression, keep routines, involve the child in memory rituals. Agreements with school and monitoring for risks (sharp changes, isolation, self-harm) are important — involve a child specialist if needed.

8. Grief therapy: evidence-based approaches

•CGT/PGT — structured work with avoidance, yearning and role restoration

•CBT for grief — cognitive/behavioural work with guilt, “if only…”, painful images

•EMDR — for traumatic memories/pictures of the last moment

•Meaning Reconstruction — rebuilding meanings and the story of the relationship

•Support groups — normalisation and social “bridges” back to life

Pharmacotherapy is added if indicated (depression/anxiety/sleep) — prescribed by a physician.

9. Safety plan and crisis signals

Seek help immediately if there are thoughts of self-harm/suicide, a quick increase in substance use, complete isolation, several nights in a row without sleep, or a sudden “lightness” after severe depression. Agree on an alarm signal with loved ones, keep key numbers (therapist, trusted people, crisis services), limit access to lethal means, don’t stay alone.

10. FAQ — short

•How long does grief last? — There is no universal term; function and suffering are key.

•Do I have to “let go”? — More important is to build a supportive form of connection.

•Why waves? — Normal; rituals and the DPM “swing” help.

•Is relief bad? — No, it is a natural feeling after a loved one’s suffering.

•Will a group help? — Often yes: normalisation, others’ experience, less loneliness.

11. What you get in therapy

A gentle space where you can grieve safely and gradually return to life. We reduce suffering, build supports, preserve the meaningful bond with the deceased and bring back a sense of direction — so that alongside sadness there is again room for warmth, relationships and the future.

Key Points

Grief is not an illness but a normal adaptation to loss.

Modern models underline the non-linear, wave-like course of grief.

Complicated grief needs specialised therapy (CGT/PGT, EMDR).

Continuing bonds with the deceased can be healthy and supportive.

Early professional help speeds up recovery and reduces suffering.

How Therapy Helps

In grief therapy I create a safe space for you to experience the loss. We use evidence-based approaches — CGT/PGT for structured work with avoidance and yearning, EMDR for traumatic memories, and meaning-reconstruction techniques. I help you build supports, create memory rituals and gradually get life moving again, while preserving the connection with your loved one’s memory.

Ready for support?

Write to me — we will gently put together a support plan tailored to your loss story.

Telegram WhatsApp Viber

All Articles